Umm I'm too high to move.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
