??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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