That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
