there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
