My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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