I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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