alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
