we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
