FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
