My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
