I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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