i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
