i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
