Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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