Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
