im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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