you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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