i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
