My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
