what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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