I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
