I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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