Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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