PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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