I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
