The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
