you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
