): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
that's an acceptable place to lick
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
