I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Randomize
