Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
