he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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