I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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