1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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