Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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