actually, I'm a sock model
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
