youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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