YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
