she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
