; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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