I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
