i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
