I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
