if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
