I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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