Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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