Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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