Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize