what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
