i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
