The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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