Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
