FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
