idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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