dude i'm inner monologue high
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
