Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
