You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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