Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize