I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
