I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
