Betty ford says i'm here all night
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
