i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
