I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
you never un-have a 4some
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
