so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
