you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
