We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
