bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
