Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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