If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
