How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
