yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Your mouth is God's brothel.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
