There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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