i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you win again, gameday.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
